A Blessing in Disguise

This is a concept that is super helpful for me and I hope it can be for you as well, but for it to work you must fully lean into it. At its core it is very simple:

The habit provides an opportunity that is rare for non-addicts, and that is making the right choice by doing nothing.

To know for certain that what you’re doing is morally right is no small feat. We’re often plagued with doubt, or we’ll often do the wrong thing knowing it is wrong, knowing we can get away with it, kicking the blame forward. Sometimes it provides a thrill of its own but very often out of laziness or inertia.

But here’s the blessing: if you have an addiction, then not partaking in this present moment is the right thing. There is never doubt about that. We might think it doesn’t really matter, or that we’ll do better next time, but we always know that in any given moment, the best thing for us, and for those around us, would be to simply not do it. And when we’re able to let go (which is different from fighting it) and simply not do it, it is incredibly liberating.

It is liberating not only emotionally and in mental energy, but it also gives you permission. You managed to let pass the urge to smoke a cigarette? Well that cookie that was waiting for you for tomorrow, you can go ahead and eat it without guilt. You’re nervous about talking to your crush? Go ahead, it doesn’t matter, it’s easy, because the hardest thing you could do was not to partake, and you’re doing it, you deserve it.

Treat yourself, be your own cheerleader and be enthusiastic. I’d go as far as to say you can allow yourself to procrastinate on important things such as studying or work, as a reward, because truly, beating your habit is more important than being the best student or a top employee. Those things are important, but if you’re trying to do too many things at once you’re spreading yourself thin, and in the long run quitting your habit will improve other areas of your life. On the other hand, it is all too easy to use other areas of your life as excuses to give in to your urge.

So do try to get this into your mind, fully believe it. When you have those moments of feeling the urge and you can let it pass and not partake, eat that cookie, take a nap on the couch when you’re supposed to clean your room, indulge yourself in other ways, and as much as you can, observe your inner sense of freedom and achievement, and cultivate it, make it grow.

The most important part of this approach is to remind yourself that it is always there, available, and that it is an upside of the addiction. Whenever you want an excuse to “give in” to another guilty pleasure, or procrastinate, do it, and do it guilt free, because it is better than indulging in your habit.