7 steps
This one is a bit contradictory with my previous advice against methods.
Nonetheless I’m putting this out there because it’s simply been working for me, and because it can provide a template for a sort of mantra. It’s not so much a method in the way described in the article (because it wasn’t born out of guilt, and purely out of intellect) but a culmination of several factors (see attacking on multiple fronts), and it is highly personal.
7 Steps to Face the Urge
- Breathe
- Lie down
- Feel it
- Imagine it
- Rest
- Act on diverting thoughts
- Write
Breathing is pretty obvious and self explanatory. Do deep breaths, or just slower, or pay attention to it more, whatever works for you, but bring your attention to it. You can count them, you can visualize energy flowing in and out of you. It’s about setting the tone for the rest of the steps, and pulling focus away from your automated response.
Lying down gives your body rest, it tells you that inaction is okay (and as we know it is preferable). Then we focus on the feelings that arise. What is the urge actually like? Where does it reside? What qualities make it feel inevitable? At which precise point in time is it most strong, when you feel like you’re just about to obey it? Does it move over time? Does it get more intense? Does it subside? If so, how long does it take for those things to happen? Take note of these facts but don’t stress about it.
When you do this, pay attention to how the urge tries to pull you into action. Your hands will likely want to do something in particular. You know those movements and places every well. Play them out in your head. Feel the rush, feel the pleasure, as if you were watching a movie of your addiction in your mind. See how all the components of it drive your emotions, and how these things actually happen even if the physical stimuli or substance is not present. And don’t stop at the peak, play out the consequences too. The immediate disbelief that you fell for it, the belated guilt, the intrusive thoughts that pepper your daily life, the way it seeps through and affects your relationships and how you conceive of the world and yourself. Try to visualize as many components of the habit and its consequences as possible, as if you were drawing a map.
If you can identify where it is strongest, focus on that while at the same time relaxing your body, in particular around that area. Feel “permission” to release anything, any tension. Try to make that relaxation marry the urge, make it pleasurable. The point of this is to marry pleasure to inaction.
At some point it is likely that the hold it has in your mind will diminish, and something else will pop up. It can be a chore, like sweeping the floor or doing the dishes, which might posses a certain appeal as a rescue from this internal fight. If this happens, get up immediately and go do it. If when you finish, or during it, the urge comes back strongly, go back to the first step. There is no rush.
After that, or even if no diverting thoughts come, sit down and journal about your inner struggle. If you feel some sense of pulling through or achievement, describe it, rejoice in it. Even if as you’re writing you start feeling the urge grow again, keep writing, describing how that is happening. Try to be descriptive but not judgemental. Don’t put yourself down or commiserate in your imagined future failures, simply take note. Feel free to write disjointed words, cringe-worthy whining, elevated poetry, a short story where you translate your inner turmoil into characters, anything that comes out, just let it.
3 Closing points
Once you’re done I want you to consider this not a method, but a tool, to be paired with other tools, and with that in mind, try to actually look forward to feeling the urge again, just so you have a chance to utilize this tool.
Furthermore, consider that with future attempts, your skill with the tool will get better, meaning it’ll take less time, it will last longer, and at points even the thought of it will be enough to hold back the urge, as if we condensed the steps and were able to cast it as a spell, immediately, with just mindfulness and presence in the moment.
And lastly, if you feel that it is inevitable, that you will succumb today, that’s okay. On those days give yourself permission to indulge in the urge, but carry through with the 7 steps before that. Utilize your addiction as a reward for doing the exercise that will in the future help you overcome it.
Stay clear